Last week, 17-year-old Trent Mays and 16-year-old Ma'lik Richmond were found guilty of raping a 16-year-old girl at a house party in Steubenville, Ohio. The victim wasn't aware she'd been raped until pictures, videos, and tweets about the event went viral on social media.
There are so many layers to this story....so many sickening layers. The first layer is that this occurred at all. The next is that there were countless high-school age kids there who witnessed, took pictures and video of the act, and said or did nothing. Apparently, there are still countless students unwilling to cooperate with authorities. The third is that there are adults who, at some point, were made aware of the events and did nothing.
The next layer is that Steubenville is not an isolated incident. In this digital age, children are being raised to think and act completely different than my peers and those generations before us. I've encountered peers my age who, when confronted about something
they posted online, replied "Facebook isn't real life." Isn't it though?
And if you think that at age 25 and older, then what does that say
about children 18 and under?
There are a number of lessons to be learned by the events that occurred at that party as well as those that continue to occur in the aftermath of the verdict. Each of us can learn something, so the best way to address it is by addressing each group.
Boys/Young Men
I was sickened to watch videos of boys not only violating a girl who clearly was incoherent, but also laughing and joking about how "she is so raped." At what point in society did rape become a joke? When did that become something that we make light and fun of, when it happens to a girl. Young men, you need to know that rape is NOT a joke. It is a serious violation of a female, one of the most heinous acts you can commit to a female. NO female deserves to be raped, regardless of how she is dressed, carries herself, or what she says and does. NO female deserves to be violated...ever. It's that simple. Young men are supposed to be raised to protect women, not destroy them and ridicule them in the process. You MUST stop listening to stupid lyrics in songs that degrade women, insinuate that drugging and raping women is acceptable behavior, and realize that you are responsible for your actions, good and bad. It doesn't make you a man to sleep with multiple women and hurt them. It makes you a coward. It doesn't make you above the law because you play a sport. In fact, there are and will be more eyes on you, because you do. This means you must make choices that not only ensure your safety and progress, but those of others around you. Your athletic abilities do not make you invincible...remember that. Crying that you are sorry after committing a crime means that you are sorry you were caught. The mark of a real man is how he treats the women in his life. If you do not commit any physical act, but are witness to it, take pictures, and do nothing about it, then you are JUST as culpable, if not more. It makes you more of a coward, because you stood by and did nothing. It makes you more of a follower, because you didn't have the presence of mind to do right when so much wrong was going on around you.
Girls/Young Women
You have a responsibility to protect yourself at all times. I tell my students continuously, "no one can fight for you like you." Remember your worth. Remember that you are a prize. It is never ok for a male to grab you or any body part, no matter how much they say they are joking. You must demand respect for yourself. In addition, you must be aware of your surroundings at all times. More importantly, if you see another female who is NOT, and is being violated in ANY way, you must help her. You must remember that every young man you encounter was not raised to treat young women with respect. As a result, you must remember that you teach people how to treat you. You must NEVER threaten a victim of a crime for standing up for herself. It was so disheartening to learn that two female students sent threatening texts and messages to the victim after these young men were found guilty. What kind of world do we live in now where young women threaten rape victims now? You must remember to ALWAYS stand up for what's right. You don't deserve to be violated, neither does anyone else, male or female. If you see wrong happening, you must tell someone. If you don't, shame on you. Remember to surround yourself with people who enhance you, not degrade you. You don't have to do what everyone else does. That's not the mark of a true leader. They observe the masses and do the opposite. Remembering this will always help you make better decisions.
Parents
You have a responsibility to be parents, not friends. You should not allow your children to have or attend parties where there is underage drinking. If you are aware of this, you have a responsibility to report it to the appropriate authorities. Your children are your first priority. They didn't ask to be here. Your lifestyle must change to ensure that they are being raised to be productive members of society. This means teaching your children right from wrong. In addition, it means leading by example. When crimes occur, it's your responsibility to report them and lead by example, no matter if it's your child or not. You have an obligation to teach your sons that rape is NOT ok. It is NOT a joke. It's not something to tweet and post pics of jokingly. In fact, they should be appalled to even hear the word, let alone witness it. Your children should be scared of YOU before they are scared of the law. Your children are not your friends. They are not your peers. Defending your children when they are wrong means that you are not being a responsible parent. You have a responsibility to teach your daughters that their bodies are not to be violated by them or anyone else. You must teach them to respect themselves and others. You must teach them that some people will not respect them, and they should be prepared to handle these situations correctly, should they be forced to encounter them. Simply put, you must be a parent.
Coaches/Teachers/Other Adults
You are the individuals that these students look up to when they don't look up to their parents. You should be more concerned about developing great human beings than winning championships. You often learn about things long before parents do. As a result, you are expected to do the right thing and not turn a blind eye to wrong, especially in such a horrific example as this. No trophy, award, or prize is worth some child's life.
There is so much about this situation that was horrific, disgusting, unbelievable, and tragic. Three lives are forever changed, and countless more will probably follow. Are we back to a time where women are viewed with no value in this society? Is this what we are raising our boys and young men to think?
Furthermore, whether you are young or old, male or female, black or white, you must learn that right is right, and wrong is wrong. Period. Steubenville isn't just some small town in Ohio. This is happening around the country, and around the globe. We each have a responsibility to ensure this never happens again.
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