The "Real" World, Housewives, Basketball Wives, and Disservice They are Providing Our Students

I'M BACK!!! After a short break, I'm back and ready to provide more commentary during this all-too important time of the year...NO, not the holidays, COLLEGE ADMISSIONS!! That's right folks, November-March is prime season for high-school seniors and parents. I will be posting at least twice per week to help anyone going through this hectic season (and you thought Black Friday and Christmas shopping was stressful)!!!.

Unfortunately though, I have to bring light to a subject that many college-bound and current undergraduates are dealing with. This past weekend, a Frostburg State University student was killed by another student at an off-campus residence. The victim was trying to break up a fight between the attacker and another student, and was stabbed in the head.

I should also note that all parties involved in this incident were female. In September, you may remember me blogging about a Bowie State University student being murdered by her roommate after a fight over an iPod. It has come to my attention that there is a serious issue going on with our young women in this society. Then there is the murder of Jayna Murray in Bethesda, MD at a Lululemon store by her female employee who stabbed her over 300 times, then proceeded to tie herself up and claim that robbers vandalized the store and attacked them both.

I am the first to admit that I sometimes act on my emotions before thinking things through. I may say something that I wish later I'd counted to 10 and then addressed. Is it because I'm a woman? My boyfriend would say yes, but I do recognize it's a flaw that I work daily to address. However, even on my most emotional day, I've never acted in the type of rage that seems to easily fill in so many young ladies now. It's the kind of emotion that each of the three attackers in the incidents above claim allowed them to "black out" and not realize the extent of what they were doing.

That's a bunch of crap. The truth is that, we as a society are so desensitized to violence that we now think it's acceptable for people, and girls and young ladies, to carry themselves in a violent manner that it's acceptable for people to justify their actions by "I just snapped."

How many of you have watched The Real Housewives series, The Real World, Jersey Shore, Basketball Wives, Football Wives, Bad Girls Club, or the host of other "reality" shows that are overtaking EVERY SINGLE ONE of the television channels now? I confess that I've watched some of these, and commented on the sheer ignorance of not only the "reality stars" but us as a society for allowing network television to continuously feed us such nonsense that they package up as "entertainment" because they think we are too stupid to demand more.

The truth is, they are right. We are not holding our entertainment outlets accountable to us by providing programming that educates, entertains, and helps us grow as a people. Remember Family Ties, The Cosby Show, A Different World, Happy Days, Family Matters, The Wonder Years, etc.? While these all weren't designed to educate us, they were at least television shows that portrayed positive moral values, and characters learning a valuable lesson at the end of each episode (which somehow always brought the "feel-good-music" and "a-ha moment").

Now, young women become overnight celebrities not for their acting ability, but their ability to make the biggest scene, cause the biggest fight in public, or be the most drunk on television, or cause the biggest Twitter or Facebook feud. This is what so many of our teens and 20-somethings see and think is appropriate. Throwing drinks, fighting in public, getting loud, and making a fool of themselves and everyone else around them. It's ok because the Snookie's, J-Wow's, Evelyn's, Tami's, and Bad Girls Club are millionaires profiting from our own stupidity and ignorance.

I wonder how many of the three attackers above (who were all in their 20s) watched any of these shows? How many times had they seen, over the years, how it was ok to act on emotions and not think things through first? And more importantly, when do we begin to demand that our children see something better on tv than this crap?

President Obama stated that, not only do his daughters not watch tv during the week, but he would not allow them to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians, to which Kim K. decided to respond that their show was educational for young girls...REALLY?!?????? In what world? Maybe I need to take the blue pill to see the "educational benefit" of anything related to the Kardashians, but I say thank you to President and First Lady Obama for doing what so many parents aren't doing...parenting. I won't get on my soapbox with this but, it starts at home folks. Showing your children what is right and wrong and, more importantly, NOT allowing them to see such foolishness on television, listen to it on the radio, or see it in you as a parent will help to prevent another person (not just a student) losing their lives because someone else "just lost it."

I'll leave you with a feature I did for USA Today College recently on "5 Things Every College Professor Wants Students (and Parents) to Know," which includes conflict resolution.

Til next time!

Violence on College Campuses

I was preparing to go to bed last night and decided to stay up long enough to catch the first 10 minutes of the 11pm local news. The first story that aired was the murder of a Bowie State University sophomore in her dorm room. At that time, no name was released, and there was no potential suspect named. She was stabbed in the neck. There were a few students interviewed who tried to help the student after hearing screams, but no other news. We also learned this all occurred during the university's homecoming week.

By this morning, it was discussed on the Tom Joyner morning show, including the fact that her roommate turned herself in around midnight, the names of the young ladies, and that a similar incident apparently occurred last week at Florida A&M University. I hadn't heard anything about the incident at FAMU. However, I was very disturbed by this incident at Bowie.

Now I just learned according to the Huffington Post, it was over an iPod...an iPod...an IPOD! AN IPOD!!! Someone is DEAD over an IPOD! I'm angry again over this..

As a college professor, I witness a new wave of students arrive while another group leaves every year. You have students from every kind of background (socio-economic, cultural, ethnic, etc.) possible in one melting pot. I witness young men and women who are homesick, and never really adjust to college life, as well as the social butterflies, who end up enjoying college just a little too much. It's only in the classroom that I start to see how students handle conflict resolution, interpersonal skills, etc.

Suffice it to say that this generation of students are lacking TREMENDOUSLY in conflict resolution skills. While I can readily admit that sometimes I allow my emotions to get the best of me, not ONCE have I ever thought to resolve any argument, disagreement, or issue by attacking someone else. I remember when I was in college (1996-2000), we had fights that occurred on campus between students, but the overall assumption was that any issues regarding roommates, other classmates, professors, etc. could be resolved in a dignified and mature fashion.

I cringe at how quick students are to start with eye-rolling, lip-smacking, and aggressive attitudes when presented with some form of conflict. What's even MORE scary, is that I see this as a FIRST line of defense in the middle-school students I teach as well, particularly the young ladies. There are so many problems this can be attributed to. Of course, we have to start at home. What are parents doing that these kids are emulating? Clearly, a 6th/7th grade girl is emulating some female in her life when doing this. Next, what are we allowing our kids to watch on tv, listen to on the radio, that encourages this type of confrontational behavior? While I'm not a parent, I DO remember how my mother made sure that she always personified the person she wanted me to be. This included how she handled problems with family, friends, co-workers, and more.

I don't know too many people who never had an issue with a roommate in college. It's a part of the process. But it's something you LAUGH about later on. "Look at how stupid and young we were!!!" In a worst-case scenario, you asked that one of you switch rooms. Maybe some things were thrown on the floor, etc. and a screaming match ensued, but never once did we think to physically attack anyone else.


What are we teaching our children regarding conflict resolution? How are we showing our young people that it's ok to fight, attack, and kill? These aren't things we should have to teach teens. This is one of those "everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten" type of incidents. Don't hit people. Don't fight. Treat people the way you want to be treated. When did that become something of the past? And how do we get it back?

Now, we have 2 lives that are cut short in this incident. An 18-year old DC student's life ended last night, at the hands of her 19-year old roommate. These girls hadn't reached 20! Now, a 19-year old student's life has virtually ended, as she's charged with murder. Two girls who were brought to college by their families, not even 1 month ago, expected to learn, graduate from college, and go on to do great things with their lives. Now two lives forever ruined, and two families forever changed as a result.

In the words of Dap (from Spike Lee's "School Daze")..."WAAAAAAAKEEEE UUUUUUUUUUUP!"