Excuses...And Our Love Affair with Them

So this week marked two important time periods in the lives of students across the country. First, it's the end of the semester for college students. Final exams are wrapping up and students are heading back home to their sponsors..oops..parents. Second, it was progress report (and parent-teacher conference) time for many K-12 students.

I've been fortunate enough to get my feet wet in K-12 education this year, in addition to my duties as a college professor. One of the things that always bothers me about this time of year on the collegiate level is the number of negotiators. Those are the students who didn't do what they were supposed to do throughout the year and now, because they need to pass the class to graduate, maintain a scholarship, or stay out of trouble at home, want you to provide them some "extra credit" to help boost their grade to an acceptable level. I personally loathe this time, as do a lot of colleagues I've spoken to. Instead of being accountable, students think that their under-developed negotiation skills are enough to influence a professor to take pity on them and give them a grade they didn't earn. It's even somewhat amusing at times (stay tuned, that's another forthcoming book).

The problem is there is always an excuse. An excuse about why they didn't come to class all semester (except the first week), why they never turned in a homework assignment (but deserve an 'A' cause they REALLY know the material..seriously..), and why you should understand that they have other things to do than just work for your class (like hang on the yard, go to parties, talk on the phone, and tweet and Facebook their friends..seriously, this class is a disruption to the bare necessities).

The one thing I love about college life is the FERPA. I don't have to interact with parent unless explicitly given approval by the student. So usually, I don't interact with parents. However, now that I'm experiencing a taste of K-12 education, I realize where the excuses originate..the parents. See, the kids usually don't have a lot of excuses about why they didn't turn in an assignment. I tell my middle-schoolers just like I tell my undergraduates, "if it's late, it's a 0, plain and simple. You have rules and you must follow them." Usually, the students will abide by this. They don't have homeworks and, when asked why, they simply respond "I just don't" or "I didn't do it." But my recent encounters during parent-teacher night have convinced me that there is a large subset of parents of this new "Generation Lost" that are making excuses for their children before the kids can even spell the word.

Let me share some of the responses/excuses I've received from parents:

1. You are NOT teaching college students. These are 7th graders. (My response: Ma'am, turning your assignments in on time is what you are taught in Kindergarten...it's called accountability).

2. My child was WELL aware of your deadline of 12pm today and has been working on the assignment since it was assigned. However, he was in an open house all day today and forgot to submit his homework. Can you please provide a 24 hour extension? (My response: The assignment was extended last week to this week, making a total of 2 weeks to submit...No)

3. Can my child make up the past due assignments or do extra credit to boost his grade? I'm just now able to view his grades online and am trying to stay on him. (My response: No, students have been aware from the beginning that I accept no late assignments. Your child must follow the same rules every other student does)

4. Student: I turned in my homework, I DIIDDDDD. Parent: Well, if she said she turned it in I believe her. I used to believe the teachers first but I've learned if she said she did it she is telling the truth. (My response: You mean like she was telling the truth that she turned in the homework that she just dug out of her bookbag that was never submitted???)

It doesn't take a genius to notice the running theme here. Parents are creating the monsters that K-16 educators have to deal with, a generation of students who not only don't do the work, but make an excuse about WHY they didn't do it and then EXPECT educators to provide them with a grade they didn't deserve. Parents, stop making excuses for why your child can't or won't do something. You are handicapping your kids before they even have an opportunity..more importantly, you're pissing off a world of educators in the process. We can only do our job when in the classroom. It's your responsibility to do your job at home.

See, these kids grow up into young adults who now make excuses for themselves, because they've been taught they don't have to earn anything. They can negotiate. When this doesn't work, they've been taught to complain and attack anyone who holds them accountable. These same young adults turn into employees who maybe can con their way into a career but won't be able to stay long because there is always an excuse about why they didn't get something done, why something went wrong, or why they juuuuuuust can seem to accomplish a task that a freshman in college should be able to complete. Again, it turns to finger-pointing and attacking..


So parents, do us all a favor and start teaching your child to be accountable for his/her actions both in and outside of the classroom. My dad is a retired public school educator and administrator. The BEST quote I've heard was from him this morning. "Don't making excuses for your kids. They already make enough for themselves."

And there you have it. Want to know more, follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and my website!

Until next time!

The Least Wonderful Time of the Year: Advice to College (And Parents of K-12) Students

There are a number of reasons why I love the holidays. First, the Christmas season ( which, for me, officially begins the first time I hear "This Christmas" by Donnie Hathaway). Then there is the second most important holiday of the year, my birthday (December 28, in case anyone wants to send monetary gifts, feel free to do so via PayPal). Finally, it's CHRISTMAS BREAK!! Only a college professor gets one month off every year for the Christmas holiday (did I mention I love my job??)!!

Most students look forward to this break as well. Who wouldn't want a month away from school, with no worries about classes, waking up early, or studying?? However, for some students (and parents) this can be the most stressful time of the year, and for many college professors, it can become the most annoying time of the year...the last week of classes...

Why would professors find this time so annoying you ask?? Because this becomes "bargain season," the time when students you've never seen in office hours before are waiting at your door 15 minutes before we arrive to discuss how they were supposed to graduate this semester...HOWEVER, our class is the roadblock that is preventing them from doing so. Never mind that they rarely showed up to class on time, if at all, never turned in a homework assignment, and never attempted to study. That's irrelevant. At this point, it's about negotiating. You see, they need to graduate. They have a job offer, this is the last class they needed, or they can't afford to spend any more money at the university. In any case, they need the professor to "give them a grade" so they can meet graduation requirements. I walked into my office this morning to find my retired colleague (who uses my office for office hours since he's teaching my class this semester) explaining to a student that he won't "give" him any grade he doesn't earn. Mind you, this is a supposed-to-have-graduated-two-years-ago senior.

I have a special love-hate this special week of the year...for the simple reason that I explain to my class at the beginning of every semester NOT to ask me at any time what they can do to improve their grade..because my response will initially be, "your work." Further questions will be ignored.

Here is my advice to current college student. DO YOUR WORK! YOU are accountable for your progress. Your effort (or lack of) will EARN you the grade you receive. Trying to win brownie points or last-minute plea deals may get you through a class, but it will stop you in your career and life. You see, once you graduate, you actually WANT a job in that career? Imagine how embarrassed you will feel when you can't perform work or answer questions that a freshman in your major should know? Furthermore, stop wasting our (fellow professors) time with questions about why we won't just give you a passing grade and instead spend it asking questions about concepts you don't understand because you never took the time to read the book until last week.

But I digress. Maybe those are just my own encounters (though I doubt it). Now that I also have experience teaching K-12 students, I've learned that these "little monsters" weren't created by Lady Gaga fans. Nope, they were created by their sponsors...parents who have stopped holding kids accountable for their performance (or lack of) and instead hold teachers accountable for not giving their child extra time to make up missed assignments that they didn't turn in on time, or to do extra credit to help "improve their grade."

See..the beauty of teaching undergraduates is that the FERPA keeps me from having to speak to most parents who want to plead for their child. However, in middle school, that's not the case. In fact, I HAVE to meet with parents. And what I'm learning, is that so many of you parents are doing a disservice to your child. Sure, you have a great career and can provide your children the finer things in life. However, what happened to the basics? Like being accountable for your actions, accepting a loss and working to improve on it the next time or...wait for it...I dare say...studying and actually understanding the material!! Now THERE's a concept that's innovative!!!

Now, if you think I'm being offensive then my guess is you are either that type of college student or parent. The truth is, if you are either or, then you should IMMEDIATELY do a self-reflection, and change your ways. Otherwise you (or even worse, your child) will suffer the consequences. Til next time! **stepping off soapbox**

Middle School Jewels-From the Mouths of Babes

We are approximately 3 weeks into our middle-school computer science classes at the Howard University Middle School of Math and Science. All instructors are starting to remember 120 6th-8th graders by name, and the 6 of us (2 faculty, 2 undergrads, 2 grad students) are starting to get hugs, waves, and acknowledgements in the hallway.

One of the best things I love about these kids are the things they say! Who knew that middle-school students were so ABSOLUTELY comical! I think it's the combination of their youth, naivete, and the things they've heard from adults (family, teachers, etc.) that makes what they say so hilarious. Every day, I can guarantee at least 2 students are going to put a smile on my face and guarantee me a laugh. I've listed a few below. I gave them my own names that best describe them (and also protect their identities):

• Little Lady-the tiniest 6th grader who speaks in a matter-of-fact-yet-monotone voice. Somehow, Little Lady can always answer any question you ask. However, it's going to take her about 5 minutes to do so, because she always provides such an intro to her answer that she forgets exactly what her answer was supposed to be along the way. Most of LL's responses start off great, and almost always end with "umm..I forgot what I was gonna say."
• Wonder Twins-My 6th grade twins (brother and sister) who are like night and day. Clearly, Jayna(the original Wonder Twin sis reference) is running the show, so much that she will quickly inform the class (if they begin chatting while she's speaking) "EXCUSE ME! I'm talking." Zan (brother) is pretty low-key. Although he will quickly inform his classmates, "why don't ya'll grow up..ya'll are in middle school!" *insert blank stare*
• Primetime, Maximum Swag, and Silent Assassin-This is my 7th grade trio I like to call "3 the Hard Way." Primetime earned his name because he looks like a young Deion Sanders. He provided today's comic relief when he answered the question "How does a GPS system use computer science?" with "MECHANISMS!!" I asked, "Primetime, what does mechanisms mean?" His response, "I don't know, it just sounded good!" Maximum Swag earned his name from the first day of class. When asked to write one thing he thinks few people know about him, his answer was "that I have maximum swag." *insert another blank stare*. Silent Assassin is the quiet one of the 3. He doesn't comment much, so not much else to say about him. These three always sit together and always have something going on that is comical.
• Ladies Man-Need I say how this 8th-grader earned his name? Suffice it to say, he is ALWAYS around some girls in the class.
• #1 Fan-#1 Fan is a 7th-grade female who finds a way to answer ANY question we ask with something related to Trey Songz. Since the class is supposed to include cultural relevance, this is great. As long as she understands the concepts then consider me his #2 fan! On the first day of class, we allowed the students to ask the instructors random questions to learn more about us. #1 proceeds to ask me the following: Who do you like better? 1)Beyonce' or Keri Hilson? (Me: At this point, Keri..to which she was amazed and quite disturbed) 2)Trey Songz or Drake (Me: NEITHER! *insert blank stare by students) 3)Hip Hop or Rap? (Me: Do you know what the difference between the two are? #1:Umm...no)

 As you can see, we have a mix of characters who keep us entertained. Stay tuned. It's only week 4 of 41. I'm sure by June I'll be able to write a NEW book!!! Hold that thought!!

Kids And Computers: A Message to Parents on When to Say When

I just learned of the death of another child, a 14-year old boy in NY who was the victim of cyberbullying for the past 12 months because of his sexuality. I find that things always happen for a reason, and how tragically ironic that, in our middle school classes, the next two days are dedicated to staying safe on the Internet, cyberbullying, and ethical behavior.

I grew up in an era when the only thing you could do on the computer, as a middle or high-school student, was play games like Oregon Trail and Jeopardy. Now, students have access to the world wide web, including social networking sites, porngraphic websites, and more. I was so shocked and appalled when 6 of my 6th-graders told me in class today that they've had Facebook accounts for 3 years. I asked for clarity, "so you mean to tell me you've had a Facebook account since you were in the third grade?" They each responded yes, except one, who informed me she'd had her account for the past year.

Next moment of surprise, when this same student (after being shown a video about how NOT to talk to strangers online and provide personal information to anyone) informed us that, just like the girl in the video, someone on Facebook sent her a friend request and started sending her messages asking her age, if she was a boy or girl, and where she lived, when she denied the request.

For a while, it was very hard for me to understand why some kids have cell phones. There are the exceptions, like those who take the metro, etc. and need accessibility for emergencies, etc. That's understandable. However, I DO NOT understand why a child in 3rd through 8th grade has a Facebook account. Why are 3rd graders on Facebook? Where are the parents? Why would you allow this? What can a child possibly learn or benefit from a Facebook account? One of these 6th grade students told me, they did a search and found his mom, uncle, and a couple of other family members as well.

We've all wondered when parents are going to start being parents, but this is taking this question to a totally different level. I know plenty of people who will not like this blog and, to be honest, I really don't care. There are certain things that need to be said to parents of these kids. Jamey Rodemeyer's death is ANOTHER unfortunate example of when parents must be held accountable. I don't mean the parents of this victim. I mean the parents of his VICTIMIZERS! WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?!

Cyber-bullying has plagued our children since the onset of these social networking sites. Why are our children allowed to have Twitter, Facebook, Foamspring(where his anonymous attacks were posted), and other sites if parents aren't talking to their children about why they not only need or want this account, but how they will use it? From the stories I've read on CNN's website, this child received some HORRIBLE anonymous posts about him on this Foamspring site.



A student at Williamsville North High School, Jamey had been tormented for the past 12 months by cyberbullies who made disparaging comments with gay references on his Formspring account, a website that allows anonymous posts.
"JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!" one post said, according to local reports. Another read, "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"



Why are there still websites allowing anonymous posts? These children and people are COWARDS. They have clearly NOT been taught by their parents to respect others, including their differences. What's worse, they CLEARLY do not have parents who are teaching (or more importantly punishing) them for doing things such as this.

Parents, it is time that you all grow up and become PARENTS and stop trying to be your child's friend? You are supposed to lead by example. Why are so many parents burying their children because they have taken their own life, rather than endure any more torment at the hands of their peers, who are too cowardly to even tell them how they feel to his face? When will we show our children that being different is ENCOURAGED and to be LEADERS and not followers? More importantly, WHEN WILL PARENTS HAVE CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR CHILDREN'S ACTIONS, SUCH AS THESE?

I remember being told, be careful what you say. Because once it's out there, you can't take it back. In this FB era, there is no discretion with these kids. Everything is public news. Their business is tweeted daily, and they don't care what they say or show.  What's worse, they think it's ok to say/do whatever, because they've seen their parents, family, and other adults do the same.

I had one 6th grader today, when watching the video about the girl making so many internet safety mistakes yell out "She is so RETARDED! Why would she do that?" I QUICKLY checked him about this comment, how inappropriate it was and how it will NOT happen again in this class or he will be gone. Where are the teachers who will enforce this and stand UP for these kids? They are hurting, they are scared, and they feel like they have no option other than to end their lives? Where are the TEACHERS and ADULTS standing up for these kids and making examples of these bullies?

Parents, you MUST do the following with your children and computers:

1. DO NOT allow them to create social networking accounts, etc. unless they are of a mature age to do so.
2. Discuss safe/appropriate use of the Internet.
3. IF they have accounts, have the passwords to ALL of them. Check these accounts to ensure they are NOT being bullied or are bullying others.
4. Make sure any computer used in the house is ALWAYS used in a common area where others are visible (i.e. living room, kitchen, etc.). Nothing should be a secret operation.
5. Discuss with your kids the importance of being a leader, and the first step in doing that is by standing up for those who are being hurt by others.
6. Do NOT visit sites they shouldn't. Let them know what types of sites are considered inappropriate.
7. Check your Internet History options on your web browser. You can ALWAYS find what sites have been visited on the computer and discuss these with your kids.
8. Place Internet blocks and filters on your computers, to ensure children don't reach these accounts.
9. Discuss bullying and what is considered bullying. Recognize the signs for help and teach your kids to as well.
10. LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Your FB, Twitter, and other accounts should emulate what you want your kids to portray.


How tragically ironic and said that this child took his life on the eve of the Department of Education's 2nd Summit on cyberbullying and the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?" How sad that, in 2011, we have to fight such ignorance, not only with adults in the military, but now with our babies?

Now another mother has to bury her child, at the hands of another ignorant parent and child's careless and hurtful comments. There are things that will NOT happen on my watch. I pray that, over the next year, I'm able to save some child's self-esteem, childhood, and more importantly, life.

Violence on College Campuses

I was preparing to go to bed last night and decided to stay up long enough to catch the first 10 minutes of the 11pm local news. The first story that aired was the murder of a Bowie State University sophomore in her dorm room. At that time, no name was released, and there was no potential suspect named. She was stabbed in the neck. There were a few students interviewed who tried to help the student after hearing screams, but no other news. We also learned this all occurred during the university's homecoming week.

By this morning, it was discussed on the Tom Joyner morning show, including the fact that her roommate turned herself in around midnight, the names of the young ladies, and that a similar incident apparently occurred last week at Florida A&M University. I hadn't heard anything about the incident at FAMU. However, I was very disturbed by this incident at Bowie.

Now I just learned according to the Huffington Post, it was over an iPod...an iPod...an IPOD! AN IPOD!!! Someone is DEAD over an IPOD! I'm angry again over this..

As a college professor, I witness a new wave of students arrive while another group leaves every year. You have students from every kind of background (socio-economic, cultural, ethnic, etc.) possible in one melting pot. I witness young men and women who are homesick, and never really adjust to college life, as well as the social butterflies, who end up enjoying college just a little too much. It's only in the classroom that I start to see how students handle conflict resolution, interpersonal skills, etc.

Suffice it to say that this generation of students are lacking TREMENDOUSLY in conflict resolution skills. While I can readily admit that sometimes I allow my emotions to get the best of me, not ONCE have I ever thought to resolve any argument, disagreement, or issue by attacking someone else. I remember when I was in college (1996-2000), we had fights that occurred on campus between students, but the overall assumption was that any issues regarding roommates, other classmates, professors, etc. could be resolved in a dignified and mature fashion.

I cringe at how quick students are to start with eye-rolling, lip-smacking, and aggressive attitudes when presented with some form of conflict. What's even MORE scary, is that I see this as a FIRST line of defense in the middle-school students I teach as well, particularly the young ladies. There are so many problems this can be attributed to. Of course, we have to start at home. What are parents doing that these kids are emulating? Clearly, a 6th/7th grade girl is emulating some female in her life when doing this. Next, what are we allowing our kids to watch on tv, listen to on the radio, that encourages this type of confrontational behavior? While I'm not a parent, I DO remember how my mother made sure that she always personified the person she wanted me to be. This included how she handled problems with family, friends, co-workers, and more.

I don't know too many people who never had an issue with a roommate in college. It's a part of the process. But it's something you LAUGH about later on. "Look at how stupid and young we were!!!" In a worst-case scenario, you asked that one of you switch rooms. Maybe some things were thrown on the floor, etc. and a screaming match ensued, but never once did we think to physically attack anyone else.


What are we teaching our children regarding conflict resolution? How are we showing our young people that it's ok to fight, attack, and kill? These aren't things we should have to teach teens. This is one of those "everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten" type of incidents. Don't hit people. Don't fight. Treat people the way you want to be treated. When did that become something of the past? And how do we get it back?

Now, we have 2 lives that are cut short in this incident. An 18-year old DC student's life ended last night, at the hands of her 19-year old roommate. These girls hadn't reached 20! Now, a 19-year old student's life has virtually ended, as she's charged with murder. Two girls who were brought to college by their families, not even 1 month ago, expected to learn, graduate from college, and go on to do great things with their lives. Now two lives forever ruined, and two families forever changed as a result.

In the words of Dap (from Spike Lee's "School Daze")..."WAAAAAAAKEEEE UUUUUUUUUUUP!"