I just learned of the death of another child, a 14-year old boy in NY who was the victim of cyberbullying for the past 12 months because of his sexuality. I find that things always happen for a reason, and how tragically ironic that, in our middle school classes, the next two days are dedicated to staying safe on the Internet, cyberbullying, and ethical behavior.
I grew up in an era when the only thing you could do on the computer, as a middle or high-school student, was play games like Oregon Trail and Jeopardy. Now, students have access to the world wide web, including social networking sites, porngraphic websites, and more. I was so shocked and appalled when 6 of my 6th-graders told me in class today that they've had Facebook accounts for 3 years. I asked for clarity, "so you mean to tell me you've had a Facebook account since you were in the third grade?" They each responded yes, except one, who informed me she'd had her account for the past year.
Next moment of surprise, when this same student (after being shown a video about how NOT to talk to strangers online and provide personal information to anyone) informed us that, just like the girl in the video, someone on Facebook sent her a friend request and started sending her messages asking her age, if she was a boy or girl, and where she lived, when she denied the request.
For a while, it was very hard for me to understand why some kids have cell phones. There are the exceptions, like those who take the metro, etc. and need accessibility for emergencies, etc. That's understandable. However, I DO NOT understand why a child in 3rd through 8th grade has a Facebook account. Why are 3rd graders on Facebook? Where are the parents? Why would you allow this? What can a child possibly learn or benefit from a Facebook account? One of these 6th grade students told me, they did a search and found his mom, uncle, and a couple of other family members as well.
We've all wondered when parents are going to start being parents, but this is taking this question to a totally different level. I know plenty of people who will not like this blog and, to be honest, I really don't care. There are certain things that need to be said to parents of these kids. Jamey Rodemeyer's death is ANOTHER unfortunate example of when parents must be held accountable. I don't mean the parents of this victim. I mean the parents of his VICTIMIZERS! WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?!
Cyber-bullying has plagued our children since the onset of these social networking sites. Why are our children allowed to have Twitter, Facebook, Foamspring(where his anonymous attacks were posted), and other sites if parents aren't talking to their children about why they not only need or want this account, but how they will use it? From the stories I've read on CNN's website, this child received some HORRIBLE anonymous posts about him on this Foamspring site.
A student at Williamsville North High School, Jamey had been tormented for the past 12 months by cyberbullies who made disparaging comments with gay references on his Formspring account, a website that allows anonymous posts.
"JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!" one post said, according to local reports. Another read, "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"
Why are there still websites allowing anonymous posts? These children and people are COWARDS. They have clearly NOT been taught by their parents to respect others, including their differences. What's worse, they CLEARLY do not have parents who are teaching (or more importantly punishing) them for doing things such as this.
Parents, it is time that you all grow up and become PARENTS and stop trying to be your child's friend? You are supposed to lead by example. Why are so many parents burying their children because they have taken their own life, rather than endure any more torment at the hands of their peers, who are too cowardly to even tell them how they feel to his face? When will we show our children that being different is ENCOURAGED and to be LEADERS and not followers? More importantly, WHEN WILL PARENTS HAVE CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR CHILDREN'S ACTIONS, SUCH AS THESE?
I remember being told, be careful what you say. Because once it's out there, you can't take it back. In this FB era, there is no discretion with these kids. Everything is public news. Their business is tweeted daily, and they don't care what they say or show. What's worse, they think it's ok to say/do whatever, because they've seen their parents, family, and other adults do the same.
I had one 6th grader today, when watching the video about the girl making so many internet safety mistakes yell out "She is so RETARDED! Why would she do that?" I QUICKLY checked him about this comment, how inappropriate it was and how it will NOT happen again in this class or he will be gone. Where are the teachers who will enforce this and stand UP for these kids? They are hurting, they are scared, and they feel like they have no option other than to end their lives? Where are the TEACHERS and ADULTS standing up for these kids and making examples of these bullies?
Parents, you MUST do the following with your children and computers:
1. DO NOT allow them to create social networking accounts, etc. unless they are of a mature age to do so.
2. Discuss safe/appropriate use of the Internet.
3. IF they have accounts, have the passwords to ALL of them. Check these accounts to ensure they are NOT being bullied or are bullying others.
4. Make sure any computer used in the house is ALWAYS used in a common area where others are visible (i.e. living room, kitchen, etc.). Nothing should be a secret operation.
5. Discuss with your kids the importance of being a leader, and the first step in doing that is by standing up for those who are being hurt by others.
6. Do NOT visit sites they shouldn't. Let them know what types of sites are considered inappropriate.
7. Check your Internet History options on your web browser. You can ALWAYS find what sites have been visited on the computer and discuss these with your kids.
8. Place Internet blocks and filters on your computers, to ensure children don't reach these accounts.
9. Discuss bullying and what is considered bullying. Recognize the signs for help and teach your kids to as well.
10. LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Your FB, Twitter, and other accounts should emulate what you want your kids to portray.
How tragically ironic and said that this child took his life on the eve of the Department of Education's 2nd Summit on cyberbullying and the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?" How sad that, in 2011, we have to fight such ignorance, not only with adults in the military, but now with our babies?
Now another mother has to bury her child, at the hands of another ignorant parent and child's careless and hurtful comments. There are things that will NOT happen on my watch. I pray that, over the next year, I'm able to save some child's self-esteem, childhood, and more importantly, life.
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